Breaking Through- Week 12

What a week. The way my mind was carrying on, I thought I was someone else. Overall I would say it was a rough week. I loved this weeks lesson, I did the homework, but simply in the sense of looking at my thoughts and the way I wouldn’t quit with finding fault with myself, my partner, circumstances that have nothing to do with me (other people’s business). I would apply the Law of Substitution whenever I would think about it and sometimes I wouldn’t even want to apply it. I wanted to wallow. I wanted to be in the place of poor, miserable me. I was getting mad at myself to top it all off. Talk about a vicious cycle or getting caught in the loop.

By Friday I finally started to think, forget it. This is the way it is and that’s that. Again I would use the Law of Substitution and start shouting my one sentence billboard. It wasn’t working. I couldn’t even get to the place to turn my thoughts around. I kept shouting anyway. I wasn’t going to let me small s self win.

On Saturday I was working at the Christmas Farmers Market and using the Law of Substitution like crazy. I was not going to let my old blueprint win. And then something would happen and the thoughts would start again. What is going on! Enough!! I was beginning to doubt everything.

(On a side note, earlier in the week I had wanted to use the word ‘believe’ to help me through. Then I would think, “no, that’s Mark J’s word”. Silly I know, but that’s what I did.)

Back to Saturday. I’m at the Farmers Market working our booth and this man comes up with a t-shirt on that says ‘believe’. I noticed it but didn’t really think much more about it, I was too busy wallowing in poor, miserable me. The day went on. It was actually a lot of fun seeing old friends and making new ones. Then a lady I have never met came up and started talking to me like we had known each other a long time. It felt that way too. As she was leaving she handed me her card. She said “I’m not sure why I’m doing this, I don’t normally give my card out in this way.” We hugged, I thanked her, and she went on her way. I looked down at the card and everything around me stopped. It wasn’t a normal card. It was small, plastic, about 1” by 2” and green. All it said on it was the word ‘Believe’.   I believe.

It always amazes me (this isn’t my first time of little s self trying to run the show) how things can change in an instant. The circumstances around me were exactly the same, the people in my world were exactly the same, all situations were exactly the same, and yet nothing was the same. I had freedom. I had peace.  I knew everything is ok and I am moving forward.

I have turned the corner. I can see the light. I know my efforts are working. I know my old blueprint is morphing into a new one that serves me and is bringing me to a place of strength and freedom. I know that as my old blueprint changes into a new empowering one, I am able to fully serve others without an agenda. Simply serve. Again, I feel grateful. The cement continues to fall away.

 

now it is the next morning after submitting my blog last night:

p.s. This thought was the first thought in my mind when I woke up. “You don’t have to struggle or labor, try or work- to change what you’re doing. You simply do something different.”

I know this is stating the obvious but I am understanding, embodying it in an entirely new way.  I greet the new sun with confidence that this is the best day of my life.